Empathy Fatigue Isn’t Lack of Care. It’s Overexposure.

Have You Always Felt Things Deeply?

Have you found yourself burning out quicker than the people around you? Falling into exhaustion again and again, even when you’re “doing everything right”? Feeling that quiet (or not so quiet) shame because you can’t seem to keep up with the pace of life?

Me too.

Empathy is what led me into this work. As a therapist and a mother, I adore my sensitivity now, I honestly see it as one of the most beautiful parts of me but it took a very long time to get here. For years I wished I could stop feeling so much. I wanted an “off switch.”I hoped healing would flatten the intensity, make me more neutral, more practical, more like the people who seem to walk through life untouched. And yes, some of the overwhelm was trauma. Some of it has softened. But underneath all of that? I’m still deeply sensitive. Naturally empathic. The kind of person who gets a lump in her throat at a TV advert and cares about strangers on the street. It’s a tender gift but an expensive one.

When I didn’t protect it, I questioned my entire profession. I snapped at my kids. I overate, numbed, disconnected. I lay in bed exhausted, unable to lift myself out of the fog and then felt guilty on top of it. If you’re wired like this, you might recognise yourself in those moments too. Not weak, not dramatic. Just someone who's nervous system runs on a fuller bandwidth than most.

And here’s the truth:Without boundaries, your empathy will eat you alive.

Your Empathy Needs Boundaries Like Your Body Needs Water

Sensitivity is a gift but gifts must be handled. Treasure needs layers of protection, not to be chucked around the room and stepped on. Empathy takes energy.Studies show that emotionally attuning to someone lights up multiple regions of the brain, using up glucose, attention, and cognitive bandwidth. We literally burn fuel by caring. So if you don’t set boundaries, you’ll simply run out. The people who need you most — your partner, your clients, your friends, your children — will get the leftovers, the snapped version, the shut-down version, or the numb version.

Let’s talk about a few kinds of boundaries that sensitive, deeply empathic people often don’t even realise they need:

1. Time Boundaries

Empaths often give more minutes than they have energy for. Saying “I can talk for 10 minutes” or “I’m not available today but let’s connect tomorrow” protects your battery.

2. Physical Boundaries

This includes space, touch, noise, and overstimulation. If your body gets overwhelmed quickly, you need physical distance, quiet pockets, slower pace, or fewer people in the room.

3. Visual Boundaries

What you see affects your nervous system. Mess, clutter, chaos, screens, the constant presence of people in your line of sight — these drain sensitive folks faster than they realise. Sometimes turning your chair, closing a door, or setting up a visual divider is enough to regulate your whole day.

4. Emotional Boundaries

You can care with people without carrying everything for them.Your empathy must include you. You cannot be the emotional first-aid kit for everyone in the building.

5. Personal Boundaries

What you will — and will not — take responsibility for. Including other people’s moods. Other people’s reactions. Other people’s unmet needs.

6. Parental Boundaries

Parents who are deeply empathic often drown in the emotional weather of their children. Your child’s sadness does not mean you have failed. Your child’s frustration is not yours to fix. Your child’s behaviour is not a verdict on your worth. One of the greatest gifts we give children is showing them that connection can stay intact while boundaries stay firm. You can be warm and present without absorbing their storm.

Your Empathy Should Never Discriminate Against You

Many sensitive people have empathy that flows outward effortlessly but barely trickles inward. Your compassion should not skip your own name. You should be at the top of the list. If you begin to understand the nature of your sensitivity — the biological, emotional, nervous-system truth of it — you can start to look after it. Tend to it. Let it be the blessing it is. Nourish it with:

• breaks

• boundaries

• embodiment

• honesty

• and a refusal to abandon yourself

  
  

Empathy can guide your life beautifully but only when it’s held in a structure that honours you too.

If reading this resonates with you and you feel the weight of your sensitivity or struggle with setting boundaries, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I offer guidance, tools, and support to help you tend to your empathy, protect your energy, and care for yourself while caring for others. You can reach out to me directly for one-to-one sessions, or explore the resources, exercises, and guides I provide to start practicing healthy boundaries and nervous system regulation in your own life. Taking that first step, even a small one, is a way of showing your own empathy to yourself.