Therapy for People-Pleasing and Depression: Finding Your Voice Again

We often think of depression as a “low mood” or a “chemical imbalance.” While those can be true, there’s another way to look at it, one that can feel deeply validating if you’ve spent much of your life holding things in.

In many ways, depression can be the opposite of expression.It’s what happens when thoughts, feelings, and needs don’t get to see the light of day. Instead of flowing outward, they get turned inward often in ways that feel heavy, isolating, and exhausting. This is especially common for those who struggle with people-pleasing.

Why People-Pleasing and Depression Often Go Hand-in-Hand

Some of us were never shown that it’s safe to speak our minds, show our feelings, or ask for help.We might have learned, sometimes very young that we had to:

• Keep the peace (people-pleasing)

• Take care of everyone else first (over-responsibility)

• Fit into a world that doesn’t always work the way our brains do (neurodivergence, like ADHD or autism)

• Hide parts of ourselves to avoid criticism or rejection (perfectionism)

Over time, this internalising becomes automatic. We hold back tears, words, and even joy. Instead of expressing anger, sadness, or hurt, we swallow it down, and that energy has to go somewhere. For many, it turns into flatness, self-criticism, or deep fatigue, which can lead to depression.

Neurodivergence, Masking, and Depression

If you’re neurodivergent, you might be all too familiar with masking. Hiding your true way of thinking, feeling, or moving through the world to appear “acceptable.”Masking can be exhausting. When we constantly suppress our natural expression, our nervous system can shift into survival mode. Over time, that can feed into symptoms of depression, anxiety, burnout, or emotional numbness.

Why Expression is Essential for Healing

Expression isn’t just about talking, it’s about letting your inner world have a way out.This might be:

• Speaking your truth to someone you trust

• Creating art, music, or writing without worrying about the result

• Moving your body in ways that feel freeing

• Allowing yourself to cry, laugh, or shout when needed

When we express ourselves, our nervous system has a chance to process emotions rather than store them. This can reduce the sense of pressure inside and make space for connection, self-compassion, and healing.

How Therapy for People-Pleasing and Depression Works

If you’ve spent years internalising, expressing yourself can feel scary, awkward, or even wrong.In person-centred therapy, the focus is on creating a safe, non-judgemental space where you can reconnect with your authentic voice at your own pace.Using somatic therapy and nervous system-based approaches like polyvagal theory, we can gently explore what it feels like to express emotions in your body, not just your mind. This is especially powerful if you live with the effects of:

• People-pleasing

• Perfectionism

• Chronic anxiety

• Burnout

• ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence

• Childhood emotional neglect or trauma

You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

If you’ve been living with depression, anxiety, or a sense that you’ve “lost yourself,” it may be that your true self has simply been buried under years of unspoken feelings.

Therapy for people-pleasing and depression can help you uncover, express, and reconnect

without judgement and without pressure.

You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to express. And it’s never too late to begin.